WWJD?

is it a bad thing that i life my life asking the question "what would Jesus do?" and that I imitate my life after his? This Who is Jesus class I am taking has really made me mad the past few days. maybe not so much angry, but I leave feeling like my view of Jesus is so much different than many other people's...not a bad thing i suppose? I definitely have decided i do NOT like the movie The Last Temptation of Christ.

more later. back to this Jesus Midterm.

the future is scary.

i hate when i get to thinking about what i'm going to do with the rest of my life. i mean, seriously? why all this thought lately. it's like i have to decide RIGHT NOW what i'm going to be doing in 20 years. i don't think i like that. i don't, because it gets me stressed out. which is never good. so many people just keep telling me to live day to day and i try to do that. but it never works! and i can't see how i can just let go and let god, and how i shouldn't be thinking about grad school and options and the future. i try, i really do. and it's only about once a week lately that i freak about these things. it's just like i want god to be like 'KALEIGH, THIS IS WHAT YOU SHOULD DO!". but nope, i know that's not gonna happen. i guess i just don't know if i can be doing biology forever. or if i'm smart enough. someone told me a few days ago to think about the things that i love. i love skating. the most. but i can't do that forever...i just don't know. i need to pray about it. and it doesn't help that all the camp stuff that's happened lately is making me really feel i need to do a bio internship this summer, especially if i want to do a PhD program. PhD? scary thoughts. seriously, i just don't know...i really need to pray about it. a lot. i will definitely miss making a difference in a kid's life this summer. i just got an IM from a camper who asked me if i'll be going back next summer, and what i'll be doing. ahhhh. so many decisions!! the only life-changing things i'll be doing this summer if i'm not at campis with yeast cells. wow. exciting? okay. that was unnecessary sarcasm.

my spiritual life is kinda lacking lately, and i hate to say that i feel like god is on the backburner sometimes. but yeahh. i'm so busy, i feel like i'm overextending myself waaaay to much. but there is really nothing i can drop. i'm not involved in much but everything i'm involved in takes up a lot of time and energy. so dropping something would be hard for me, cuz it means a lot to me. blahh. in other things, i saw hanson in concert 2 days ago. they were amazing. :) it made me happy.

life is tiring me out. and i'm only halfway done with the semester and the next week and a half is going to be hellish. oy. i'll make it, i know i will. just so much work. crazy.

keep the faith.

525,600 things to do.

so life is hectic right now. there are five million things going on, and needless to say, i'm feeling a bit (okay that's an understatement), a lot overwhelmed...i'm on overload. i have an organic paper and genetics test on friday...hopefully i can get a bulk of orgo done tonight...it's just so stressful! so much work. so little time, especially because i'm so busy...sometimes there comes a time when it's a downfall to be busy...

in the meantime, i've also been giving a lot of thought to my future, which probably isn't the best idea...but i keep coming back to the idea of not returning to aldersgate this summer, but to get a biology research internship. a big kid job. do i like the sounds of it? no, but if it betters my chances of getting into graduate school, then yes. also, if i don't get the position i want at camp this summer...that may be taken into consideration. prayers are needed to see if God wants me to be stepping up at camp or if he's trying to have me take a step back. i guess i just need prayers for clarity at this point. i think i've gotten a better idea about graduate school-going for an integrative biomedical sciences program (aka cancer research and stuff like that). it looks right up my alley. it leads to a PhD...i'm not sure where that would take me. it's kind of scary. but i went to a debate with richard dawkins, biologist and atheist and another christian biologist and it kind of makes me want to go into the field of biology and prove that you can be a big time biologist and also believe in God and have opposing views on Darwin and stuff like that. there aren't very many of those right now. the world needs some. maybe that's what my call is. only god knows though. we'll see where that road takes me.

for now, synchronized skating and organic chemistry and genetics rule my life.

my kiddies are looking good. i'm proud of them.

keep the faith :)
life is good.