i hate when i get to thinking about what i'm going to do with the rest of my life. i mean, seriously? why all this thought lately. it's like i have to decide RIGHT NOW what i'm going to be doing in 20 years. i don't think i like that. i don't, because it gets me stressed out. which is never good. so many people just keep telling me to live day to day and i try to do that. but it never works! and i can't see how i can just let go and let god, and how i shouldn't be thinking about grad school and options and the future. i try, i really do. and it's only about once a week lately that i freak about these things. it's just like i want god to be like 'KALEIGH, THIS IS WHAT YOU SHOULD DO!". but nope, i know that's not gonna happen. i guess i just don't know if i can be doing biology forever. or if i'm smart enough. someone told me a few days ago to think about the things that i love. i love skating. the most. but i can't do that forever...i just don't know. i need to pray about it. and it doesn't help that all the camp stuff that's happened lately is making me really feel i need to do a bio internship this summer, especially if i want to do a PhD program. PhD? scary thoughts. seriously, i just don't know...i really need to pray about it. a lot. i will definitely miss making a difference in a kid's life this summer. i just got an IM from a camper who asked me if i'll be going back next summer, and what i'll be doing. ahhhh. so many decisions!! the only life-changing things i'll be doing this summer if i'm not at campis with yeast cells. wow. exciting? okay. that was unnecessary sarcasm.
my spiritual life is kinda lacking lately, and i hate to say that i feel like god is on the backburner sometimes. but yeahh. i'm so busy, i feel like i'm overextending myself waaaay to much. but there is really nothing i can drop. i'm not involved in much but everything i'm involved in takes up a lot of time and energy. so dropping something would be hard for me, cuz it means a lot to me. blahh. in other things, i saw hanson in concert 2 days ago. they were amazing. :) it made me happy.
life is tiring me out. and i'm only halfway done with the semester and the next week and a half is going to be hellish. oy. i'll make it, i know i will. just so much work. crazy.
keep the faith.
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